Single Steve Dear Eharmony, Fuck you. Ear muffs. Sorry about the aggressive title. Actually Im not. I lie. Free Black Hat Hacking Tutorials. I mean, I feel bad if youre at work right now reading this, and the biggest letters on your screen involve the words FUCK YOU. Thats always kind of awkward when youre supposed to be working. Single Issue Request Fills Week 14 Start EmIf thats the case, please scroll down like 2 inches thats what she said and get those words off your screen. Also, thank you for taking the time to read this during work. Good for you, youre probably under paid anyways. Also if youd like to take this opportunity to tell your female single co workers about this blog, and ask them if they want to date me, I wouldnt be mad. Ill wait while you go do that. No Youre still here Youre going to continue reading without telling any of your hot female co workers Youre kind of dick, but I digress. I had some other titles in work for this blog, but they just didnt capture the essence of what I was trying to say. Other titles include Dear Eharmony, because of you Im going to have to reproduce through mitosisDear Eharmony, I just bought the domain name Fuck. Eharmony. com, no seriously, I didDear Eharmony, you took my money, dignity, and self respect, and all I got was this lousy blogIts true, I actually did buy the domain name www. Fuck. Eharmony. com, which I couldnt believe was still available. I think Ill just point it to www. Single. Steve. com and drive in 3 extra hits a week. So the purpose, the essence, of this blog, is that my eharmony subscription is ending this month. And I couldnt be happier. This is my second stint on eharmony. I signed up for 6 months. In those 6 months Ive been on 2 dates. A25%3A34.png' alt='Single Issue Request Fills Week 14 Pregnancy' title='Single Issue Request Fills Week 14 Pregnancy' />Archives and past articles from the Philadelphia Inquirer, Philadelphia Daily News, and Philly. Volume 22 Issue 14. Inside Our Editors Marvel Universe Live Preview. July 5, 2014. See Neighborhood Magazine The Direct Mail News Magazines Serving New. Two average dates. Two blah dates. Two dates that probably shouldnt of happened. Two dates where I was probably settling, compromising and giving in, just to go on dates. Its not the dates fault. Not at all, they were perfectly normal, fine people, just not the match for me. The problem is, the process. Eharmony, and their fucking painful process. First thing you have to do is fill out the SATs of online dating. Its literally a 4. So after you completed their riddles and questions, you then can start receiving matches, hurray A computer matches you up based on 2. Im fine with. Its all so very exciting, at first. Because youre thinking, wow some super computer down at Eharmony headquarters is crunching vectors and differential equations just to find my perfect mate, and everyday you log in and see new matches, that you think are hand picked from the computer gods above. At first its awesome you have matches sent to you, which you review and if you like you can proceed to step 1, which is you send them multiple choice questions. Now the tricky thing about eharmony is, it takes two to tango. You cant proceed to the next awkward stage of eharmony until the other person responds back. So you send over your questions for stage 1 of 4 and then you have to wait for them to respond. And you wait, and you wait. But its fine, you dont really care that this person hasnt responded in a day or two because each day you get a new batch of matches hand picked by these computer gods as people that match you on 2. You dont even notice that she hasnt responded because your distracted by the new excitement of these new matches. But then, you start realizing, wait a minute, no ones responding back to you. But the new matches keep coming in, 7 a day, and you keep sending over your stage one questions, and you keep waiting for them to respond. I figured out that if I log in at 1. Find New Matches search I will get 7 new hand computer picked matches. So everyday since Im up at midnight, I log in and get my 7 new exciting matches. So before you know it, youre waiting on 5 girls to respond back, and then its 1. I know right, how ridiculous is it to be communicating with 5. You want to talk about ridiculous Lets get ridiculous. As of tonight I was in stage 1, waiting for 7. Thats right. SEVEN HUNDRED AND FOURTY EIGHT fucking matches. Thats active, open, matches, that Ive sent my multiple choice questions over to, and Im patiently waiting for their response. Youre probably thinking Steven, you should be more selective anyways, you cant just be communicating with every person you get matched with. Shut your mouth when youre talking to me. I know I cant, and I dont. In ADDITION to the 7. I am currently waiting for a response for, I have also 4. Ive closed out. So all together I have been matched with 1. REALLY Eharmony fail. So youre saying I matched on 2. San Diego Or whats more likely is you sent me every girl in San Diego in 7 girl increments. Whats most upsetting about this shenanigans is that I am waiting for 7. The multiple choice questions have to be picked from a provided list and the answers are already provided. All I do is pick which questions to send. Apparently girls need months and months before then can decide that they want to respond back to me with these tough hitting questionYoure probably thinking well, there has to be a glitch in the matrix. Theres no way that 7. Theyre probably closed you out and you didnt know. False. I WISH they had closed me out, that way at least I know theyre werent interested, they would be removed from my list. And I dont close out any matches even though they havent responded in weeksmonths because theres always a chance. Theres always a chance that she decides 5 months later, yep, todays the day I answer that guys multiple choice questions. And me being a man of statistics and math, knows that even though its only a half percent chance she will actually respond, thats half a percent chance for every single one of the 7. I think its actually a cumulative binomial probability problem. Where basically its a small win chance per girl, but cumulative the win chance becomes greater with each girl added to the pool. Its like buying a lottery ticket. You know your chances of winning are slim to none, but that doesnt mean you throw away the lottery ticket. You still hold on to it, and check to see if you won, you know, just in case. Or maybe thats why girls dont respond back to meBecause I know about cumulative binomial probability. In any case, Im baffled as to why girls just dont close out the match if theyre not interested. Instead I wait and wait and wait. Is it possible Im a troll I actually posted this question to eharmony on their facebook wall. Dianes a bitch. I have no idea why my matches dont just close out the match if theyre not interested. Whats more likely is eharmony never deletes accounts, so Im matched with girls that joined for the free weekend 6 months ago, and dont even know they have a message from me in their queue. At least thats what I tell myself, so I can sleep at night. Another thing I dont like about eharmony is all the fucking ads. Yes, ads. Not only are theyre charging me about 3. What the fuck are they doing with all the money I give them each month I expect ads on a free site, but not one where Im paying Only last thing I hate before I stop my rant. Apparently, its a good thing my subscription is ending. I think Ive run out of girls in San Diego to be matched with. More recently my matches have been have been way out of my San Diego radius, as far as Los AngelesMy distance is set to the smallest at 3. My math might be wrong, but Im pretty sure LA is farther than 3. San Diego. My subscription ends at the end of this month. I didnt find love. Im not going to end up in one of their commercials. I guess I have to find another way to waste money on girls that arent making out with me per month. Is this typical Or am I the only one to have hundreds of matches Pass this along to anyone thats thinking about doing eharmony. American duty. I would love to hear your stories as wellDear eharmony, Fuck you. UPDATE So since posting this blog, eharmony has CANCELED my account. Thats right. They fucking canceled my account. Bleacher Report Sports. Highlights. News. Now. BR Footballbrfootball. Goals in Serie A this seasonthe top 3 are ridiculous. Lazio, Napoli. 2. Inter, Sampdoria.